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Dave, that doesn't smell like carnuba wax... and why are these headrests yellow... [Feb. 9th, 2004|11:37 pm]
[How do I feel?___ |optimisticoptimistic]
[Tunage___ |Bjork- Hyperballad]

First day at work, and hot damn it was good. I met everyone, and I do mean everyone that works there, handshakes all around, very nice people indeed. My immediate boss is a good guy, not an asshole like my last boss. Detailed not one, not two but three cars today, as well as checked in 3 brand new 2004 Passat sedans (sweeeeeet). I have responsibility! They are giving me a lockbox key, which some of you may know as the key contraption that opens those boxes on the window that hold the car keys. Responsibility! Yay! Im feeling optimistic and jovial about my new job, and I hope that it rocks as much every day as today. Now if only I could snort coke off of the dash ahahhahahahahahahahahaha no. Just kidding. I don't do coke. Anymore. Sooooooooooo, Im off to bed, away I go. Be jealous of me and my kick ass job.
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My vagina's name is Burt. [Feb. 8th, 2004|01:40 am]
[How do I feel?___ |crazycrazy]
[Tunage___ |the choking of a sane man gone mad]

I have crossed the plains of rationality, into the deep void of madness. My gray matter withers with despair, searching in vain for a splinter of sanity, a smidgeon of appropriate behaviour. Reeling, uncontrollably swirling in the toilet bowl of crazy, longing for the toilet paper of reason, searching for the bidet of truth and reconcilliation. It consumes me, like a child with a twinkee of pure feral discontent, dreaming of cream filled desparity and loathing. Fear me, for I divulge into pure, abstract smellydom, reeking of mania and cheese balls. I smatter the lands with my creamy goodness, drowning out the torment of a long lamented and ill begotten rainbow of joy, reeling in agony and swimming in a sea of pure hostess death. I am the inevitable rise and fall of the tides, swaying to and fro with bitter decadence, hoping for goats. Raaaaaaaar.
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why why why oh my head for it longs to be free [Feb. 7th, 2004|02:33 am]
[How do I feel?___ |confusedconfused]

vibrating duffel bag of DOOM! it encases my head, surrounding me with malice and provocation, endlessly taunting my ineptitude and self aquiescence...... leering at me with torment and vivacious servitude, basking in my glorification, enveloping my devotion and avenging my failure
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Ricki Lake and the growing trend of Sodomy [Feb. 7th, 2004|02:25 am]
[How do I feel?___ |relaxedrelaxed]
[Tunage___ |Otep - The Lord is my weapon]

Hello folks, the great Marcus here. Had a fun week. Got a job, did some drugs, and took a road trip or two. I started off Wednesday by driving down to see my wonderful lesbian friends Janel and Danielle. I've known Janel since eighth grade, and we've managed to relocate from sunny california to a close proximity. She lives down in Holyoke Massachusettes, which is just shy of two hours away. We hung out, ordered pizza, did those drugs I mentioned, and drove an hour to the Mohegan Casino in lovely Connecticut. Had some drinks there, gambled a little, and had a general good time. Then we vamoosed back to their fabulous loft in the ghetto of Holyoke, and I got to listen to them get freaky upstairs. Good times. Woke up, had waffles, watched a movie, went to lunch at Kahunaville, and drove home. Good times. Jay had some quality alone time while I was away, and it helped relieve some of the tension between us. Now Im chillin like a villian, enjoying the benefits of gorging myself on chinese food, and alcohol. I mentioned I got a job, it's just down the street at Hand Volkswagen, detailing cars and such. Seeing as how I used to own my own detailing business, I should do just fine. Good hours, good pay, good times. Jay has the weekend off, so we'll see what kind of trouble we can get into. I've been talking to Breana, and I must say that things are looking good, which makes me happier than words can describe. I beat Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic again, this time as a soldier. I must say that it is an amazing game, which takes up entirely too much of my time. I think I'll play some Halo later, need to beef up my skills for the release of Halo 2. Cant wait for that one, counting the days until it drops. Keeping it real for the crazies and crackers worldwide, Marcus out.
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armpits and the sweet smell of beauty. oh, and god damn I want strudel. [Feb. 1st, 2004|04:30 am]
[How do I feel?___ |geekygeeky]
[Tunage___ |sniff sniff]

Ok, am I a freak, or what?

youllyield to me: awww
youllyield to me: man. my hands smell so good
youllyield to me: *sniffs*
sinthetyk: oh really?
sinthetyk: does it smell like peanut butter?
youllyield to me: smells like
youllyield to me: soap
youllyield to me: sweet soap
sinthetyk: soap is nice
youllyield to me: the smell of soap intoxicates me sometimes
sinthetyk: I get the same way around the poo nanner
sinthetyk: heheheheheh
sinthetyk: not all of them, though. just certain ones
youllyield to me: awwwwww
sinthetyk: Im serious
sinthetyk: sometimes it drives me crazy
sinthetyk: and I also like smelling my armpits
youllyield to me: yeah, occasionally I smell myself, and I have this great lori-smell going on
youllyield to me: and I'm like woah *snifffffffff*
sinthetyk:heh lori-smell
sinthetyk: can you bottle that?
youllyield to me: I wish
youllyield to me: it's not always nice
sinthetyk: meh
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(no subject) [Feb. 1st, 2004|02:28 am]
why wont my pictures post dammit
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Wu-Tang clan ain't nothin to fuck with [Feb. 1st, 2004|02:26 am]
[How do I feel?___ |crazycrazy]
[Tunage___ |the sway of my ghetto beat box]

I am the flagship SS FreakNasty. All hail my destructive and seductive dance of doom. Bowchikabowwow. Please excuse my overt white breadness, Im just a lost little cracker in this sea of ebony excellence.
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Ich bin ein berliner! [Jan. 31st, 2004|05:20 pm]
[How do I feel?___ |stressedstressed]
[Tunage___ |clickity clack goes the keyboard]

I am a jelly donut.
Wating sucks the big one, but wait I shall. Jay's grandfather fell outside last night, and was not found until this morning. It was below zero, and windy, and his wife had already gone to bed. He is in the hospital in New Hampshire, being treated for extreme frostbite and his other injuries sustained during the fall. I don't even know the man, and I feel terrible for him. What it must be like to lay on the ground, incapacitated, in below zero weather. I can't even stand being outside for more than 10 minutes, and he was out there for at least 8 hours. Now I am sad. I hope he recovers, and has no permanent injuries. I also feel bad for Jay, even though his relationship with his grandfather is sub-par at best. I've lost all but one of my grandparents, and I haven't even met the one that is still alive. It's my biological mother's mother, whom I believe lives in Minnesota. From what I hear, she's a little crazy, so I don't know if I should be interested in meeting her. I sure as hell am not getting on a plane, now or anytime ever. It's not that I've never flown, I have, many many times over. I just have lost faith in the airline companies, as well as most modern technology. I mean, if your car breaks down while on a trip, you can pull over and fix the problem. Airplanes are traveling around 600 miles per hour, and if something goes wrong, you are basically fucked. So no airplanes for Marcus :) . I think Im going to go play Star Wars KOTOR on my sexy xbox. More on Jay's grandpa and other relevant/non-relevant later. Fo shizzle, my nizzles.
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It's 4am, and Im three winds to the sheet [Jan. 30th, 2004|04:43 am]
[How do I feel?___ |drunkdrunk]
[Tunage___ |carnival music in my brain make it stop]

Hey, its just me, and Im drunk. Well, almost. I talked to her, and there may be a chance yet, kiddies. Im still with the hoping, if you were wondering. It's all I have left, besides the Canadian limited. Ah, whiskey, you are the bastard child I never had. My brain feels like its strapped to a titan IV rocket, hurtling me towards some unknown cosmic event, destined for oblivion. Hooray. What I wouldn't give for a bong hit right about now. It's funny, being me and all. So much potential, all of it wasted. I really am a pathetic excuse for a human being. Just like 80% of the rest of the world's population. I mean, think about it. Humanity is a collective waste of talent and potential, with nary a victory in sight. Every day, the human race disappoints me further and further. All I see is destruction and war, pestilence and evil. It sickens me to see the overwhelming amount of greed, carelessness and depravity humans contribute. When will we learn? Perhaps never. I still have hope for humanity. I still believe that we can find a commonality to start from, like the fact that we are all humans, and thats what we all have in common. Fuck race, religion, sexual preferance or the status quo. We're human. We have the same heart, the same organs, the same chemistry unique to the human form. Nothing else matters. I just hope that we figure that out before its too late. I'm reminded of a line from a movie, Virus, I think it was, that said "Humans are a virus. They gobble up all the resources in an area, deplete said resources, and move on to another resource rich area." Think about it, for a second. We definately fit into the definition of Virus. We rape the environment, we kill each other in a futile attempt to gain more for ourselves, and we reproduce exponentially. That sounds like a virus to me. All I know is that we have no one to blame but ourselves, and we deserve the future we create for ourselves. If we squander all of our resources, and don't think about the natural consequences of our actions,l then we deserve to be wiped off of this planet as quickly as nature intends. I'll stop talking shit about the human race, and be off on another merry mental journey. I wish thee farewell, and good morrow, kind readers. ~~~~END DRUNKEN TRANSMISSION~~~~
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Hating yourself 101 [Jan. 30th, 2004|01:22 am]
[How do I feel?___ |hopefulhopeful]

So here you are, reading my journal, wondering what this subject title is all about. It's about the things I have done, and the things I regret. The biggest one of all is my infidelity against the only one I love. I had it all, a wonderful girlfriend, a loving partner, and most of all, the one true love of my life. And I took it all for granted. Last September, I cheated on my girlfriend, Breana. But it wasn't once. It was many times, with another girl, a girl named Jen. I thought that the love between Breana and I had gone. I thought that I was missing something, when in reality I was the one who was lost. I broke Breana's heart, ruined the trust and love that she had given me with all of her beautiful soul. Things between Breana and I were always difficult, whether it was about money, or my inability to find and keep a job. We were always fighting, and 95% of the time it was my fault. But she never did anything like this. I was so stupid to betray her like that. So Breana found out about my affair, and we started talking. Actually talking, for the first time in our relationship. I came to the realization that she was my one true love, above all others, dearest to my heart and soul. I realized that I had the best thing in my life all along, right in front of me, and I didn't even see it. We continued to talk, about the possibility of renewing our relationship, about letting me back into her life. I am desperate to have her know how much she means to me, how much I care about her, how much I can't live without her as a part of my life. She is afraid, afraid that it will happen again, afraid to let me back in and show her how much I really do care. I can't remove her fear by telling her in a letter, or over the phone. I have to show her. But she is afraid to even let me try. And I can't blame her. I can only hope that she will be generous enough to give me that chance, and if I recieve it, I will spend every waking hour of the rest of my life proving my love to her. Some of you would say move on, let go, and try to pick up the pieces. But I can't. I can't love anyone else but her. I hate myself so much for what I did, and I can't figure out how I was so cruel to the one I love. Im afraid, afraid that I will not get the chance, that she will reject my attempts and move on without me. And if that does happen, who's to say that isn't what I deserve. I deserve to hurt, many times above the level of pain that I have caused her. But I still want the chance. All I think of is her, the way she smiles, the way her persistance is above all others, the way she makes me feel . I sit here, wondering and hoping and praying that the chance befalls me, but will I really get it? I certainly don't deserve it. All I can do is hope. The lesson, which I hope to part unto you, dear reader, is simple: Don't ever let a day go by without telling the ones you love how you really feel. Let them know that they are the center of your universe, the love of your life, the bane of your existance. Life is too short to forget to show the ones you love they are loved.. Take my example in royally fucking up, and learn from it. I have, but it may be too late for me. And I have to learn to live with that. If I get the chance, I won't waste it. All I can do is hope......
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